Reality vs Fantasy – A Survey

Welcome back!

This blog is all about the joys, challenges and opportunities of community life.  There is of course another community of which I’m a part and by extension so is this blog.  That’s the online community that includes bloggers, readers and the whole gamut of web 2.0 forums that help us to connect, interactively with one another.

In the spirit of connection I’m responding to a Blog Reader Challenge put on by Kelly McCausey of WAHMTalkRadio.  Kelly blogs over at WAHM2.0 on the Sparkplugging blog network. Yesterday she issued a challenge to bloggers asking for the community to blog about one or more topics listed in the challenge, including the following choice question:

What do you wish your kids would say to you?

Well…as my son enters his Junior year at high school and my daughter prepares for college, here’s what I wish my kids would say to me (the realist):

Son (as he arrives home from high school): Hi mom! I had a great day at school The assistance you gave me last night as I did my trigonometry homework was superb! You didn’t confuse me at all and I shall come to you always with my homework when I need to hear the voice of wisdom.

Daughter (as she returns to residence after class):  Hi Mom – I decided to call you long distance to tell you what a wonderful day I had!  My professors were so engaging – I can’t wait to get into my homework.  There is some freshman party tonight at the student pub that I have no interest in attending as, after all, I’m still underage and there may be drinking there.  Plus I don’t like  all the noise and raucous behavior that will distract me from my scholarly endeavors.  Anyhow, I love you and I kiss the picture of you and Dad every night before I go to sleep (after saying my prayers). Love you!

Okay, that about does it.  That’s what I’d like my kids to say to me

Tell Me Thursday

I chose this picture of my two teens because they rarely hug like this anymore! They joke and laugh together, but since she became a more introspective teen his little goofy games started to get on her nerves. It would break my heart to see her shooing him away when he wanted to play frisbee, football or just annoy her the way little brothers tend to do (out of love).

I was even more taken aback when he took practically his whole paycheck from his part-time job to buy her a special high school graduation present. She’s an artist and will be majoring in that field at college in the fall. So little brother went and bought her a tablet and pen which allows you to manipulate images on the computer using a tool that functions much like a pen on paper (tablet).

Hannah was so excited when she opened his gift during our graduation party for her that she gave him a big hug and a kiss. What a change from the usual “get out of my room” greeting he normally gets!

My son William looks up to his big sister with pride and this picture just brought that all home for me. I love these two kids so much.

Moms and Dads – Your Last Assignment: TEENS

After a child is born both parents and kids become the stars of the family. Hey we brought new life into the world and the future seems bright.

Then come the comic years…toddlers and primary school aged kids are so cute. They do say the funniest things and they keep us in stitches as they learn to eat human style, walk, string together sensible and non-sensible sentences (those ones are the best!) and give us their unconditional tantrums and love.

Well Moms and Dads…just as you feel you’ve done an exceptional job with your assignment as new parents you are promoted to the next level: PARENTS OF TEENAGERS – MISSION IMPOSSIBLE. Of course I’m joking it’s not impossible and for me this period has offered some of the most endearing experiences as a parent. But like most, I have had my days.

I look at how hard some teens work at their academics, sports and friendships and I’m moved to happy tears when they succeed. My own two have grown so much and developed into such really good people and human beings.

On the other hand I really hurt for those teens that I know aren’t being heard or haven’t been given the tools and encouragement by those that love them to become confident individuals. As a community I think it is a concern for all of us.

Without that confidence teenage years can be tough and our young people can make some of the worst mistakes of their lives. They can also make some of the best decisions of their lives. As the men and women who love them we have our own jobs to do with respect to the development of our teens.

Healthy teen self esteem is first nurtured at home. A secure home life, supportive parents and a reliable extended family provide the launching point that allows children to thrive. From there it’s a safe school environment and positive peer relationships that further affirm their feelings of being valuable to others.

If a teens home life offers more negative feedback than positive nurturing, it is nearly impossible for that child to come through puberty feeling good about themselves.

Teenagers who don’t have a strong sense of personal value from their parents are left viewing themselves through the critical eyes of their peers. And what they see there is often disappointing.

Making embarrassing mistakes, feeling clumsy, going through the first love heart break or not doing everything right the first time is all part of being a teenager. But a teen with low self esteem takes every stumble personally and internalizes the failure as being part of who they are.

That’s why it is so important to help our kids survive their mistakes and deal with disappointments from an early age. Positive teen self esteem is crucial. The best way to improve your teen’s self-esteem is to take a very active role in your teen’s life.

It’s hard work when you have a job and your own issues to manage, but you brought this bright light into the world and it is up to you–and really “us” as a community–to ensure that bright light shines. Know your teen’s interests, friends, strengths, and weaknesses, so that you’ll be aware of any problems that may arise. You don’t have to become the gestapo but you could gain a lot of knowledge about your teen just through conversation.

If you have a teenager who is struggling with low self esteem, you have to take every opportunity to remind your son or daughter of what value they are to you and to others. Provide them with opportunities to be with people who will build them up and encourage them.

For more information and support about parenting your teen see the resources offered by Aurelia Williams who is a certified Parenting Coach and author of How You Can Help Your Teen To Be Successful In High School.