Reality vs Fantasy – A Survey
This blog is all about the joys, challenges and opportunities of community life. There is of course another community of which I’m a part and by extension so is this blog. That’s the online community that includes bloggers, readers and the whole gamut of web 2.0 forums that help us to connect, interactively with one another.
In the spirit of connection I’m responding to a Blog Reader Challenge put on by Kelly McCausey of WAHMTalkRadio. Kelly blogs over at WAHM2.0 on the Sparkplugging blog network. Yesterday she issued a challenge to bloggers asking for the community to blog about one or more topics listed in the challenge, including the following choice question:
What do you wish your kids would say to you?
Well…as my son enters his Junior year at high school and my daughter prepares for college, here’s what I wish my kids would say to me (the realist):
Son (as he arrives home from high school): Hi mom! I had a great day at school
The assistance you gave me last night as I did my trigonometry homework was superb! You didn’t confuse me at all and I shall come to you always with my homework when I need to hear the voice of wisdom.
Daughter (as she returns to residence after class): Hi Mom – I decided to call you long distance to tell you what a wonderful day I had! My professors were so engaging – I can’t wait to get into my homework. There is some freshman party tonight at the student pub that I have no interest in attending as, after all, I’m still underage and there may be drinking there. Plus I don’t like all the noise and raucous behavior that will distract me from my scholarly endeavors. Anyhow, I love you and I kiss the picture of you and Dad every night before I go to sleep (after saying my prayers). Love you!
Okay, that about does it. That’s what I’d like my kids to say to me
Book Review: Leisureville
**UPDATE**: You can listen the podcast featuring the author here.
There are some books, like George Orwell’s 1984, that give you a bizarre peek at an imaginary future while at the same time sending shudders down your spine as you realize that the eerie future described is actually here.
Andrew Blechman’s book Leisureville is a must read for anyone interested in more than a peek at what our future may hold if we continue to nurture some popular perceptions around youth, aging and the way we live in community with one another.
Leisureville is a deceptively leisurely trip through some of America’s largest and fastest selling new urban or master planned communities built specifically for the 50+ resident.
Who hasn’t grumbled even a little bit as a teenager blurts out the F___ word at a theater. Or what about that 14 year old boy in front of you at the mall whose pants are practically at his ankles? Sure we grumble but once your own kids are grown would you want to live in one of those adult only communities where kids are actually banned from living there? Would you really want to live hundreds of miles away from your son(s) or daughter(s), grandchildren and friends you’ve spent most of your life with just so that you could have a few “amenities” and avoid seeing other people’s kids?
I actually thought Blechman was taking us through a fictional community when he described lamp posts that piped out music from the 1950′s and community rules that forbid residents from having children in their homes for more than 30 days during the year. It’s like reading a chapter out of the Stepford Wives (well the Stepford Wives’ parents).
The shocker is that Blechman’s story is true. These are real communities. Blechman actually spends a number of weeks in what he terms “retirement utopias” in Florida and Phoenix. He estimates that there are as many as 1500 of these retirement communities in the U.S. with some under construction, others in the planning stages and many already housing tens of thousands of residents–some as young as 40+.
If you’re curious to see what these communities look like visit this website. Imagine the great “U.S. melting- pot society” looking to a dark corner of its past to embrace a new type of segregation–one now based on age. The worse scenario for me? Imagine our kids not benefiting from the wise insights and life experiences that our older relatives/friends have to offer. I know for me personally, living 10-minutes from my parents has been about the single most positive influence on the development of my children.
Is this retirement utopia a distortion of the new urbanism dream? Remember NU is a movement designed to make our communities more people friendly, safer and sustainable by creating communities for people of different income and age brackets. It is that diversity that has served to build strong, creative and sustainable communities across the country. These retirement communities seem to be the antithesis of new urbanism.
In Leisureville, Blechman throws a spotlight on the kinds of myopic perspectives some people adopt after spending too much time in their own, segregated community. What I found most upsetting was the response some seniors seemed to share around the notion of shouldering responsibility for the funding of our public schools.
Apparently many senior communities have actually voted down referendum after referendum calling for increased taxes to help out needy local schools. The arguments of the adults in these strong voting blocks is that their kids are out of school, they themselves are on limited incomes and they’d sooner have the families with kids currently in schools assume the burden of funding.
Where would we be today if our forefathers (and mothers) had thought that way? As Blechman poignantly points out our society has enjoyed an unwritten social contract where one generation buys into paying for the services that will ultimately be enjoyed by the generations to come. That contract has allowed residents in this country to enjoy a sense of security and lifestyle rarely seen elsewhere in this world.
From Leisureville:
What will happen when there are thousands of these segregated communities across America, housing millions of aging secessionists? What happens to the rest of us–those left behind who don’t qualify in terms of age or finances? For that matter, what happens to American society in general, and our municipalities in particular, when a critical mass of mature Americans form self-contained private cities and disengage from the general population? Experience shows that these privately owned quasi-governmental entities often resent paying local taxes for schools as well as for municipal services that they prefer to perform themselves. And they are potent voting blocs that can swing elections addressing these issues.”
Perhaps the generation leading this movement to retirement utopia – the 78 million members of the Baby Boomer Generation – need to reassess the impact of the kinds of decisions many are making about community life.
Perhaps we also need to think about our approaches to community life. If our seniors don’t feel welcome they’ll leave, and we will miss their guidance, experience and patience. Those who need their guidance and patience most – our toddlers, our teens and especially the parents raising them – really can’t afford to have that kind of absence of leadership and support in the community.
Blechman reminds the rest of us who truly enjoy our communities and the quirks and joys of living with people of different ages, backgrounds and cultures to acknowledge what we have and to take steps to ensure that our communities are accessible, nurturing and safe for residents of ALL ages and with different needs. That’s an outcome that takes participation and engagement. Are you up for it?
New Urbanism Developments Clashing with the Real Thing?
New urbanism is a nod to the past and an acknowledgment that we love to live in neighborhoods where we can stroll to the corner store, socialize with friends and family close to home, utilize public amenities and services that help us to live in an eco-friendly ways, and work in an office down the street or in our homes.
That’s the new urbanism dream in a very simple nutshell. Best of all it’s not just a dream anymore – we’re reshaping old cities and building new communities across the country that meet these goals.
There are, however, still many people who fear new urbanism because it’s not perfect. They worry that some of the new urbanism communities being developed are too “fake” looking. They worry that because many newly built “new urbanism” communities also attract big retailers that these communities will compete with the real thing (e.g., historic towns, urban city cores).
I don’t get it. Why the worry?
New urbanism isn’t just about the buildings, it is about a mindset. We should be happy that we have a growing segment of the population that simply wants people friendly communities. We should be overjoyed that developers and city planners are thinking of ways to make old and new communities equally eco-friendly. It’s hard to live a green lifestyle without some solid help and leadership from our community leaders and service organizations (like recycling services, etc.).
The new urbanism movement is making all of this possible.
One of my favorite OLD new urbanism cities is Montreal…take a look at this article heralding a recent new urbanism seminar there but also raising some of the same old concerns we always hear about…click here to read.
Tell Me Thursday
I chose this picture of my two teens because they rarely hug like this anymore! They joke and laugh together, but since she became a more introspective teen his little goofy games started to get on her nerves. It would break my heart to see her shooing him away when he wanted to play frisbee, football or just annoy her the way little brothers tend to do (out of love).
I was even more taken aback when he took practically his whole paycheck from his part-time job to buy her a special high school graduation present. She’s an artist and will be majoring in that field at college in the fall. So little brother went and bought her a tablet and pen which allows you to manipulate images on the computer using a tool that functions much like a pen on paper (tablet).
Hannah was so excited when she opened his gift during our graduation party for her that she gave him a big hug and a kiss. What a change from the usual “get out of my room” greeting he normally gets!
My son William looks up to his big sister with pride and this picture just brought that all home for me. I love these two kids so much.
WW – Wordless Wednesday

Make sure to come back tomorrow for Tell Me Thursday when I’ll tell you the story behind this picture.
New Urban Mom Show No. 12 – College, Career, Family & Biz
Today’s show spans the gamut – from an update on my daughter’s college decisions to an interview with a Yale educated mom who realized that having it all didn’t necessarily mean “juggling” career and family. Christine Lowe Woolard decided that family meant more to her than her career. So she left her career to tend to her growing family and then ended up launching a successful skin products company – www.sheaproducts.info – at home while raising 3 children who are now all under the age of 6!
During the show listeners are also reminded to enter July’s fabulous Scentsy give-away contest. For details click here.
Don’t forget to view our archives for past programs.
A Contest for your Senses
The winner of this beautiful Scentsy package is Arika Liddiard. Arika said in her comments that between toddlers and new babies, her home’s dirty diaper quotient is calling out for Scentsy’s safe and sweet smelling sensations. Congratulations Arika and thank you to Laurie Ayers of Scentsy for sponsoring July’s contest!
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There is something about a scented room that just makes me feel so wonderful! Whether it’s a fresh floral scent in the summer or a warm, festive vanilla aroma at Christmas time, a beautifully scented room can really make my day.
It’s no wonder I was so excited about promoting this month’s contest give-away!
The “hottest new things in scented candles” are the safe, long lasting wickless candles from Scentsy. Scentsy Director, Laurie Ayers, has kindly offered to give-away a beautiful $40 Scentsy package to one of our New Urban Mom subscribers.
The $40 package includes:
- One Electric Wickless Candle Warmer
- One 6-cubed Candle Bar
- Priority Shipping
Please feel free to click on the graphic above to learn more about Scentsy. To enter the contest:
- Post a comment below.
- If you’d like to double your chances of winning, subscribe to the New Urban Mom list. All subscribers are entered into this contest so you’ll get a second chance at winning by posting AND subscribing. See the subscription box in the top right hand corner of this page (and every page on this site).
That’s it! I’ll pull out a winning entry at the end of July.
Good luck!
Getting Ready to Send a Teen to College
This blog is a resource and I hope an inspiration for making our communities places that encourage positive and healthy growth for ourselves, our families and our businesses. Is it any wonder then that I feel so conflicted about the rite of passage that so many of us go through when it comes time to send our kids off to college?
Just when I’m feeling that my family is thriving in our “new urbanism” community, I’m helping one of us to LEAVE!
Most minutes of the day I’m fine, even excited about the thought that my daughter will be moving away to college in a few weeks.
Then there are those other moments when I wonder about all the things mosts parents worry about. Will she be able to get home from class safely? Will she comfortable with her roommate? Will she eat a balanced dinner each day? Okay that last question is probably Karma coming back to bite me as I promised my mom I would eat well when I was in college and existed on tea and Rice Krispies for about half my diet!
Everytime I think through the scary scenarios and get to the point where I’m questioning why we’re sending her away when there are perfectly good schools close by, I answer myself pretty quickly – because we want her to grow (and we want her to attend a REALLY good school).
When I was 18 I couldn’t wait to move into my university residence! Just the thought of being on my own and making my own decisions about my day to day life gave me an unbelievable high – without drugs!
I’m sensing my daughter is just as excited (though more low key than I was – thank goodness) – so I know we’re doing the right thing.
Often when I find the need to look for validation about some instinctive decision I have to make about parenting I think back to the Mutual of Omaha, well not literally that company but the show they use to sponsor on television when I was 5 or 6 years old. It was called “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.”
Anyone reading this old enough to remember that program?
Anyhow, there were an awful lot of real life “human” lessons in those shows especially the “parenting episodes.” You know the programs that focus on say a mama bear preparing her offspring for life in the wild “without mama.”
I’d almost want to cry watching as a cub was being pushed/nudged/encouraged to start finding his own food and securing a separate place to call home…on his own. It was hard but as the handy commentator would tell us, it was for his/her own good and survival.
Like most things, practice makes perfect and perhaps the college environment is as good as we’re going to get for a “practice environment” that will help our kids young adults to become healthy, positive and contributing members of their communities.
NOTE: I have to plug Antioch College – not the school we chose for our daughter, but a school we thought about for many years. I’m hoping all goes well for changes happening at this phenomenal institution. The picture in this post features my daughter during a visit to Antioch, which is located in beautiful Yellow Springs, Ohio. I’d retire there
Neighborly Chat – Try It
Are you one of those people who run hurriedly into the house/car/garage the minute you glance your neighbor next door?
It’s okay to admit your neighbor phobia because of course you’re not alone. But really do you think it would be that bad if you were to stop and talk for a minute?
I’m not being Mr. Rogers or anything but I happen to be married to a man who was not naturally the neighborly type. Before meeting me I think he believed neighbors were not of this world (or at least his).
Maybe he thought his hair might ignite if he spent 30 seconds talking to some of the people who live closest to us. Whatever it was, I got him out of it about 10 years ago and while he is no chatty Cathy he never ceases to amaze me with his knowledge of who moved in where and who’s getting work done on their house, etc.
The other morning he and I were sipping our coffee on the front porch when all of a sudden I heard “Hi C!”
I asked hubby who that was and he informed me that the voice was coming from our newest neighbor and it didn’t stop there. Hubby was able to tell me all sorts of interesting facts about our new neighbor’s love life and renovation plans (he’s engaged).
Even if you live on acres of land in a rural area, it’s still nice to have a neighbor in your vicinity to share a warm drink in the winter, or to call upon when you need a hand with something. City life and suburban life are truly better if you’re among acquaintances, instead of strangers. Don’t you agree?



